Today has been my refresher course on Surrender & Trust, along with, learning a bit more about aging and increasing body-mind limitations. I need to get past, ‘Who is going to lift the heavy dumpster lid – now, additionally loaded with snow?’ And, if I can no longer draw because of arthritis, what am I going to do with the drawings I still have in my head? What do I do with my anxieties when I’m faced with increasing limitations, such as hearing loss and phone use? All appropriate questions for someone living alone with aging and health issues. But hear me, we can make this new learning curve fun.
Awakened today with pain in my hands, I recall the spiritual name I was given forty years ago – Arpana, which, I’m told, means the surrendered one. Nice. I welcomed it back in the 1980s because I was wide open to learn new ways to think, see, feel, be…. More currently, though, myself and many like me, are faced with a new level of learning: how to let go of (what was normal) body-mind abilities, and adapt to – ongoing – aging, illness, and injuries. At a time when needed more than ever, considering, also, covid pandemic lockdowns, less transportation and possibly less or no assistance, I need more self reliant abilities, not less.
I meditate. Just be quiet to see/hear what message I get on how to surrender to the challenges and trust that, essentially, I will get creative and solve the issues, or be able to live with them as they are. This is what I’ve learned. And it works for me.
My meditation practice rises within the forms of: just sitting, or drawing, writing, or clues pop up in the middle of a good walk, or doing dishes. Who, what, am I surrendering to? Creator. Trust in the moment. Trust that Creator, being everywhere and always (the cosmic force. Energy, consciousness within all, and yet, beyond all naming) will flow into my thoughts as natural as my breath flows in and out.
The answers are reassuring. Just keep on drawing. Remember the old song, “Don’t Worry?’ Well, don’t waste energy worrying. I draw until I end drawing – so what? No problem unless I make it a problem. Meanwhile I’m having fun with the pencils and paper, and there are lotions to release pain, as well, acupressure points to release pain. Regarding the dumpster… Sit a box, or chair by the dumpster to hold bags. Lift the lid with both hands, once up hold the lid with one hand and lift the bag up and into the bin. Now was that so hard? Yes and no. ha ha. Later make a deal with someone to take my trash out, maybe bake them some cookies.
Life does carry on. Adjustments are made and I remind myself, laughter is so much more fun than crying, although crying may help me find my way into laughter.