I sit here resting in the arms of God and just for a moment I intuit amazing possibilities such as my heart breaking wide open. All the love that’s stored inside pours itself out to fill a great need.

Sometimes I can almost taste this conversion when the life I lead is no longer mine because I have given it fully and gratefully to God.

Then…

Such peace will fill my soul such that nobody will be able to understand it.

And there I am in dire poverty delighted and almost giddy. The cares of the world dropping away like snowflakes melting in March. I open my arms to pull this world into myself and just hold it there.

And it hits me…

Every tear, every smile, every drop of blood is my tear, my smile, my drop of blood, and the ugly stain of judgment drops from my countenance like a whisper. All I can see is the agonizing beauty of a world stripped of color and distinctions.

One pale blue. One forest green. One bright yellow. The passion of red. Silver linings. Golden drapes. Pink harvests. Lavender dreams.

It’s all right here, calling to me every day. I know I can touch it. I just know I can.

Then…

The strange burden of the daily grind reasserts its pressure. My twenty minutes are up. Perhaps tomorrow I will steal a half an hour. Perhaps tomorrow I will find this freedom right in the midst of it all.

Until then…

I’m left with this strange knowing that a thin and insignificant veil is all that separates me from complete liberation from myself. Yet, that veil is drawn so tight. How will I ever pass beyond it?

Only by your grace, oh Lord. Only by your grace.