Many of us find it difficult to be completely honest not only with ourselves but with others as well. It is a very difficult thing to be willing to see our underlying motives when it comes to the actions that we take or for having the relationships in life that we do.

What motivates a person to lie in the moment or not do what should be done?


My spouse crosses the line with something they said or did that needs addressing, but no action is taken by me because something in me is fearful of the possibility of losing something in that moment (the relationship, the intimacy, etc.) or is fearful of what I might be made into when they respond to the confrontation.

I’m searching on the internet and get distracted.  Suddenly there is a realization that an appointment was missed that I promised I would keep.  Instead of simply being truthful about what happened, a made-up excuse comes out of my mouth because something in me is fearful of what that person might think and conclude of me.

My child did something that really hurt me, but I don’t share that with them because something in me is fearful of losing my relationship with them if they “take it the wrong way.”

What is the common thread in the examples above?  The answer is they all contain a threatening motivation that if not acted upon, will result in us losing something in that moment.

What motivates us to immediately acquiesce to such a threat?

Fear – The fact that we secretly (unconsciously) want something from that person and if we take the action that we know we honestly should take, we risk losing them, what we want from them, of them.

Fear is always the motivating factor when we aren’t honest with ourselves or others.  Fear supplies the supposed “threat to us”, and then that fear identifies with the very reasons it gives itself – all through the use of our attention. When that fearful part of us answers the moment for us, the moment is always answered dishonestly. 

We are so used to just going along with fear’s threats and reasons because we believe that we are that voice of fear that speaks to us in those moments.  It feels like us, because we have believed it to be us for so long, but it’s not us.  It’s fear that threatens, using our own voice.

In order to be a free, a totally free human being, we have to agree to not only be 100% honest with ourselves in each and every moment, but we must extend that honesty to others regardless of what fear tells us the outcome will be.     

Honesty needs no reason or excuse for itself. It’s simply a conscious right action.

The good news is that any dark discoveries that we make within ourselves in being honest in the moment, are only dark until light is shone upon them.  That’s the whole point.  Darkness is really only the absence of light.

A dark discovery can be something such as seeing that our motive for maintaining certain relationships in our lives is because we want something from those people, whether it be their generous dinner invitations, their connections to certain people that would enhance our own lives, or simply that we don’t want to be seen by others as “not caring.”

If darkness is really only the absence of light, then what is there to fear?

There is simply a need for illumination of these dark parts of ourselves– for them to be seen and not resisted.  That’s why 100% honesty is the only way for us to see these unconscious parts that have been buried in us for so long, for in that honesty is the agreement to see them so they can be healed.

Honesty and self-understanding then become the right motivation. In living from right motivation, we live from a natural, pure essence of ourselves that meets the moment with its peaceful contentment and honesty.  When we are motivated by fear, we unknowingly live from dark images we have of ourselves, and as such, resistance, negativity and dishonesty is what meets the moment instead.

In the truest of sense, we have to be willing to do the right thing no matter what fear tells us we will lose in the moment, because after all, the only thing that we truly lose in any unwanted moment if we agree to do so, is a dark image we have of ourselves that has kept us remaining fearful dishonest human beings…..and that is truly no loss at all. When we agree to not be 100% truthful in the moment, what we are actually doing is protecting the lie, the dark parts of ourselves from being brought into the light for transformation. We then feed the darkness without knowing that that’s what we are doing.

If you agree to this kind of radical self-honesty and right motivation in your day-to-day life, your child will learn that as well.  After all, you are their greatest teacher. 

Image courtesy of: HaseebPhotgraphy on Pixabay
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